Look out for my more professional The Dark Knight Rises reviews. Yes, that’s more than one review. I have a lot of feelings, OK?
*SPOILERS* *GO SEE IT* *NOW*
Judge Dredd trailer. Total Recall trailer. The Bourne Legacy trailer. All followed by MAN OF STEEL teaser. I’m a happy girl.
Smugly smirk at the first 10 minutes that I saw with Mission Impossible. Then Bane speaks.
Littlefinger owned by a brutal kick-ass man who can magically throw his voice so that not only is it way louder than anything else but it also has a different room tone.
I dig the whole premise of Bruce Wayne hiding up in the rebuilt Wayne Manor as Gotham is now “under control.” But damn, the dialogue for the Congressman and career policeman lackey is really lame.
Anne Hathaway makes a good introduction as Selina Kyle but…I want a bit…more…Catwoman.
Bruce is a little in awe of her brazenness and skill. Good.
She’s known as “The Cat.” Can Nolan just say Catwoman? Once? Please? It’s not gonna kill him.
Oh hey Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I don’t know why your name is John Blake but I like you. But you knew that already.
OH HEY OWEN FROM TORCHWOOD.
Oh, Juno Temple. What are you doing here?
Oh nothing? Doing really nothing but having bad hair and saying stupid things? Oh OK.
DON’T YOU DARE KILL MY COMMISSIONER, BANE.
Commissioner Gordon completely earns all of his BAMF points in this movie. For realz.
BUT how the hell does he not know that Batman is Bruce Wayne until he tells him?
Batman! You’re back with a vegeance!
But you’re distracting the police from getting Bane!
Who the fuck cares about John Daggett. No one. That’s who.
I may not approve of your clothing choices, Catwoman, but you do use the stiletto to its full potential.
“So that’s what that feels like.”
Alfred! You’re making my cry! Christian Bale played that really well. You can see the hurt in his eyes but no where else. That’s how emotionally stunted Bruce Wayne is.
But is it just me or was that scene shot really haphazardly and was distressingly rushed through especially to be so dramatic?
The Bat. I want. Still kinda want the Batwing more.
Miranda Tate. I see what you’re doing. I know who you are. I see you.
Batman’s grunts and roars make this scene amazing. “RAH THIS IS DIFFICULT.”
But then Bane is stronger…a lot stronger. OH GOD HIS BACK. NO.
Convenient metal concrete tank is convenient. Good one, JGL I mean “John Blake.”
Oh God. The stadium. The police officers in the tunnels. Oh god. Oh god. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
City-state Gotham freaks the shit out of me. Especially since it’s New York and I don’t know how I’d deal with the situation.
Hey Crane. Exile or death? Death…by exile. Lol this crazy man.
But he should’ve been wearing his mask…
The most beautiful shot of the film is Bruce Wayne’s feet as he’s dragged into the prison.
I don’t think you can push in a vertebrae and still walk like that.
“Bruce…why do we fall?”
He’s back. He’s got the Cat at his back. Battle for Gotham commences!
Buuuuut then you become just like every other dumb-ass bad guy and reveal your whole plot and die soon after.
There’s only two minutes left…wait. That means…oh no. I can’t handle this. No.
One minute. Oh my God, Catwoman. I can’t handle this.
YO DETECTIVE QUINN LET JOHN BLAKE AND THE KIDS GO.
Batman. I…I love you, Batman.
Boom. And my heart dies. (Actually I was quivering and sobbing and trying not to freak out the people around me.)
Bruce Wayne’s funeral.
John Blake throwing his badge into the river.
The Thomas and Martha Wayne orphanage.
The auto pilot has been fixed? The auto pilot has been fixed. THE AUTO PILOT HAS BEEN FIXED.
What are you doing to be Nolan? That emotional turmoil was for nothing?
No sorry. John Blake’s real name isn’t Robin. It’s Dick Grayson. Sorry, not sorry.
BRUCE AND SELINA AND ALFRED AND EUROPE AND MY EMOTIONS AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.
Dead. I’m dead.